Admiration
by Ganja Naraku
Summary: Definition: The State Furthest From Understanding...
1. Anakin's Side

If you enjoy this please checkout Katanagirl16's Rage of the Forgotten, which I helped Co-Author.

Until the next time, keep kicking ass.

xxx

_Admiration is the state furthest away from understanding.-Sosuke Aizen_

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From the very beginning, he took careful note of her palpable fascination. He was sure that her amazement…No, her complete _obsession _of him, was due to the fact that he was the one assigned as her Master. It could have been Obi-wan, or even Master Windu; If either of them had been the one she'd been assigned to, she would have been under their spell. However, he proved to be the lucky one. _He _was the one chosen to teach her in a misguided attempt by the Grand Master to teach him responsibility, and he was the one she set her sights on.

The enthrallment was so obvious, so constantly present in her eyes, that she was oblivious to the cruel truth of the world around her. She was captivated by him and set goals for herself to earn his praise. She was so full of admiration, exceeding the limits of the others' respect. She was...foolish. He was never really _interested _in having her as a padawan. Her skills with the Force were nothing incomparable, but her lightsaber skills were exceptional for her youth. But even then it was nothing ridiculously overwhelming.

She was unmindful, her simple judgment shrouded by hopeful approbation. But even if he hadn't had her thrust upon him, he could have done most of work in the war, if not the whole thing, without any help but the clones. But she was right there in front of him, and what would be the use in making her think poorly of him? There would be no fun in that. She was there, she was vulnerable, and he decided he would play with her for a spell. He would see if she was worth the effort he would need to put into her training.

As time passed and they were eventually separated, he ceased to watch her. There was no need for him to check in on her, no need to hang around and let her head swell ever more. He spoke to her infrequently, as often as a Master would talk to youngling, which wasn't very regularly. But each and every one of these rare times, he left her blinded. He could feel her adoring gaze every time he walked away, nothing short of ignorant. He let her build up her dreams and ambitions…He let her come to him to confess what he'd always known.

And the moment she did, he seized the opportunity. He took her in his arms; He forced the right smiles and said all of the right things, the things that he knew would make her lose all sense of control. And when he was through with her body, it wouldn't matter what anyone said to her. Even if it was Master Yoda himself who told her something, if he spoke differently, she would _always _follow in his footsteps.

It wasn't loyalty.

It wasn't Love.

It was Blindness.

Slowly, he turned her into a new person, teaching her everything that would eventually turn her world upside down. She grew. She changed. He continued to play off of that fickle feeling she held, the one he referred to as "a feeling furthest from understanding." He turned her against them; She believed _him _over her entire order. Nothing could shatter the illusion that he'd created in her mind, she was _his._ He'd known from the first time he caught her captivated gaze that she not only could, but _would_ eventually believe anything he said…

"And as I expected, Ahsoka…you did not disappoint me."

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He is silent as he moves though the halls, the sounds of battle echoing through the walls. It is a beautiful sound, invigorating, a chorus of pain and malice. He feels so alive as the Dark Side grows ever stronger within him. His weapon stays in his hand unactivated. There is one area that he has reserved for himself. The Council Chambers. It is the same place where he feels several younglings cowering in fear. Hoping against hope the clones will not come for them. But that is not what he seeks on this walk, what he seeks is the guard that blocks the door. Ready to defend it with her life.

He will enjoy making her break that vow.

He can see the emerald glow of her weapon on the wall as he walks, making certain his boots are heard on the marble floor. He sees her shadow, her head-tails had grown somewhat since their last meeting. He smirked as she moved from view and deactivated her weapon, hiding the light. He'd taught her well. He runs his finger along the ignition plate of his own lightsaber. Just before entering he pauses, feeling her out through the force, she is anxious; scared. She should be, he is about to break her mind in two. Keeping his face blank he walks into her line of sight, casually activating his weapon to deflect her downward slash.

When she realizes who she just attempted to strike down she backs off, her weapon at her side now. "Master! Thank the Force it's you!" Deactivating his weapon, he turns to her, his critical eye falling upon her. She is still so predictable, even in this crisis she is blinded by him. She believes everything will be alright now, after all, he is her Master, the _Chosen One_. If _anyone_ can stop this horror it's him.

He smiles as he always did in her company; A devil's gleam in his blue eyes reassuring her false belief, letting her believe that he's here to save the day. Her face shines and he sees the corners of her lips crack into it's own smile, it reminds him so well of that night, when she crossed the line into a blatant break in the Jedi Code. "The Jedi have betrayed the Republic." He watches, allowing his smile to drop, barely hiding his amusement as her face twists from relief to shock and horror. She takes a step away from him and he towards her, stalking her.

"No...I can't believe that..." Of course she would try to reject the idea of it. He senses her internal struggle, not wanting to think of him as a liar and at the same time refusing to believe the very order she swore her life to had turned on them.

He is heartless as he continues his verbal assault. His voice like a whip cracking at her mind. "I have witnessed Master Windu attempt to assassinate the Chancellor myself." He neglects to inform her of Palpatine's Sith Lord status. He continues to watch her as she breaks further, amazed at how easy it is. Her faith is wavering, her will cracking. She is as weak to his urging as the day she visited his private quarters and he manipulated her into his forbidden embrace.

"You have to choose Ahsoka..." He indicates the door with his weapon. "The Jedi..." He looks into her sapphire eyes, now coated in beautiful diamond tears. "Or the Republic." He doesn't have to say what is really at stake, what the consequences of her choice will be. But, against everything he'd expected, she surprises him. Her eyes narrow ever so little and he wonders for an instant if she intends to strike at him. But instead she walks away, breaking his hold on her shoulder as she approaches the door.

She knocks in a sequence, an obvious message of an "All Clear". The door unlocks and he watches as she slips inside, he hears screams and cries of pain. The whir of a lightsaber being swung about, the hiss of burning flesh. And in seconds all becomes silent. He doesn't bother to hide his grin as he push the door aside and enters seeing her standing over the bodies, all cut far more than was needed. Several were beheaded, others the limbs removed. He regrets not watching it himself, for it must have been a wonderful slaughter. She straitens, her weapon deactivating as she looks back at him and he sees the tainted gold in her center of her irises.

For the first time he is proud, truthfully and honestly proud of his apprentice. She has passed a test he hadn't planned on giving her, it is in this moment that the depth of her devotion to him is revealed. She would would kill innocents, slaughter defenceless children, so long as she believed it would please him, she was his to command. He extends his hand to her, just as he had that fateful night, when he had started her down this path.

She takes his hand just as she did that night, ready and willing to embrace whatever was to come for them. Like that night he pulls her into his arms, holding her allowing her to become enthralled by his acceptance of her choice. He is a drug to her and he intends to supply her need so long as she earns it. Without a word he releases her and exits the chamber, she follows just behind him keeping stride with relative ease.

xxx

They leave the shell of what was once the Jedi Temple. Smoke and flames pour out of the windows blanketing the sky in it's brown and orange hues. Clones are stationed at all entrances, waiting for any stragglers that may receive the signal they left behind. Behind them, the Clones of the Five Hundred First march in formation, entering the drop ships to return to the barracks. There are no prisoners. There are no survivors. There was no offer of surrender, no chance to turn on their own as he had. The genocide is complete and the Jedi are no more. "Sir?" He glances at the Commander, his white and blue helmet gleaming in the fire's light. "Will either of you require a lift, Sir?"

"No." They need to be alone now, to take in the weight of their actions; He does not acknowledge the clone as he salutes and bids him farewell before returning to the ship. He watches them leave in silence before returning his gaze to the young woman beside him. Her beautiful, youthful face is alight with the glow of the flames erupting from the temple ruins. He says nothing, watching her take it in. Her face is blank, it has been since they had left the Council chambers.

She senses she has his attention for now and she speak, her voice distant... "Do you remember when we first met?" He finds the question odd, but says nothing turning to look upon the smoking temple. "Master Yoda hoped I might teach you to be more responsible. Instead-Instead you made me more like you..." She looks at him, he can feel her eyes on his face as his cloak flutters in the wind.

"I don't remember that." He states, and it is true. The event held none of the significance it did for her. Back then, even now she has been little more than a plaything. A tool to use and expoit until he grew bored with her and discarded her

A look of mild surprise covers her face at his words, a small laugh escapes her but he can't tell if it is forced. "Yeah, I guess you're right...That's all in the past huh?" He does not respond or acknowledge her, instead his blue eyes stare out at the smoke as he continues to listen. "That's when it all began though, You and me, and Obi-wan too..." She doesn't use the honorary for the Jedi Master anymore, she has no respect for them any further. He finds it interesting, indeed he admits he finds her interesting. She stands behind him, reminiscing even as she watches her old life crumble before her. "We did so much together...Just the two of us." He notes her take a sidestep towards him and permits it, he sees no reason to deny her. "It was painful and difficult at times...But I still enjoyed it." She puts the side of her head on his broad shoulder and he wraps an arm around her waist to bring her closer.

Neither of them speak, and watch the smoke continue to roll into the sky. At last she breaks the silence asking a single question. "We'll be okay...Right Skyguy?" He doesn't answer for a time. Looking to the future, but it is too clouded, too murky to tell. But even then he plays his part as he always had, the caring Master who fell foolishly in love with his pupil.

"Yeah." He smiles again. "We'll be fine, Snips."

xxx

I would like to dedicate this alteration to the destruction of the Jedi temple to my beautiful girlfriend who has to put up with me on a day to day basis.

Happy One Month Anniversary Sweetness!


	2. Ahsoka's Side

Another Side of the story.

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She put her heart and soul into everything she did.

She always had. Work was done with the utmost effort, decisions weren't made half-heartedly and relationships were cherished till the very end.

Relationships...Every friendship had a special place in her heart. She loved unconditionally and with depth. A bond with someone was not to be neglected. She nurtured every positive relationship she had; tended to them and gave them love so they would grow into something beautiful. Something that would make both parties the stronger for it, from foundations built on trust, support, love and laughter. This was what she believed, what she had always thought. Perhaps since her youth the strength of this belief had waned slightly, but even when she grew older she did not forget it. When she was sad, or weary, the very essence of this fact helped her to keep going. The people that she loved experienced the good times with her and supported her through the bad.

Then she met someone who would change her forever. At first, she merely saw him as a respected, important Master. However, it soon became clear that he was more than that. The Chosen One, Anakin Skywalker.

He shifted her perspective; she loved her friends but this, he was...Special.

He was the light, the sight of light at that end of the rock-strewn tunnel she'd been stumbling through; As she'd been choking on clouds of ash from the air, the light had shone on her. Angelic in quality, making her smile with relief and her heart swell with hope. He had been the embodiment of all that was beautiful in the world, passion, hope, kindness, and trust. All the things she admired. The world had been full of these things when she was little. Her Master illuminated her world.

Anakin Skywalker _became_ her world.

She put her heart and soul into becoming a Jedi, she worked, and worked, and worked, until she became his padawan. It was all worth it. She was proud to be the one under Skywalker. She was proud to serve him and fight under his command with everything she had. He was, in her eyes, perfect. Almost _too_ perfect, sometimes, but he was real, wasn't he? The way he smiled warmly at her, she saw it. The way he spoke to her with respect and kindness, she heard it. The way held her that night, when they changed their relationship forever...He was _real_...

Then came the time when it all changed.

What do you do when the world is ending?

Ahsoka Tano screamed. She gave a scream that didn't adequately convey the horror of that moment, the feeling of all her world shattering and crashing down around her. They were being betrayed, the clones meant to protect them turning to deal death and torment. Her friends...The sight in front of her...dead. _Dead_. No, no, no, _no_...! It couldn't be true, it just couldn't-- but there it was, the blood staining the wall, the smoking holes...It was imprinted onto her mind forever.

But her mind snapped into action, panic being overcome with anger. Anger has always given her more focus than calm and with it she could think clearly. She lead the younglings she could find to the council chambers and intiated the security lockdown before beginning to stand guard. No clone would pass her, and if they tried she would use all the training her Master granted her, and they would feel Ahsoka Tano's wrath.

She threw everything into accomplishing this task. She would succeed and stop at nothing to keep her friends safe. A part of her heart had broken at the betrayal but she had to be strong and protect the younglings. The darkness of night had suddenly lost it's beauty, gaining a muffling quality, bearing down upon her like everything else. It was so hard, so hard to cope...but she had to be strong.

Again, her emotions were to be thrown into turmoil. She had heard the footsteps down the hall and had hidden herself, waiting to strike her adversary. And when he'd stepped into veiw she'd charged blindly only to be rebuked by the blue blur of a lightsaber. There, standing in front of her..._Master_! The one person who she knew could stop them, no clone army could ever hope to measure up to his power. "I'm glad I found you here, Snips." She heard his voice, as softly-spoken as ever. Her nickname was music to her and she felt her cheeks flush.

"Thank the Force it's you Master..." They were safe, he would protect them with his life. Then he patted her head. Real...This was real, this was really happening! His hand was as warm, as big as she remembered it. It eased her heart and washed everything away...Her grief, the darkness, the misery and confusion of her mind...Gone. The light was back in her life again, lifting her spirits, granting her warmth and hope. The nightmare was ending and her world was piecing itself back together because he was here. He was her world and he was here. Everything was okay again, it soothed her as she looked at him, taking in his familiar appearance, never wanting to be parted from him again...She was mending. She was healing...

Even his smell, yes, _yes_, she was more convinced by the minute that this really was him. Anakin Skywalker. Tears started streaming down her face as the relief, the _happiness_ set in. She didn't have to be alone in this. He was here. Now it seemed so simple. Of course he would come, he could never leave her to die, it was impossible. He couldn't live without her either, Not without her! Never...It was not an option...This light was eternal, it lasted, that brief darkness had been a lie. An insult to The Chosen One, he was here and so very, very, _real_. It was a balm to her wounded heart.

Anakin Skywalker was here.

The world was wonderful again.

He spoke, his gentle tone as welcome as a soft breeze against her face on a sunny day. Ever kind.

"The Jedi have betrayed the Republic."

The world exploded; smashed, shattered and shot into the void of nothingness, never to return. She registered something, but not the truth. That would come later...Her brain had frozen into a state of shock, disbelief. She looked up, uncomprehending.

Was that...Skyguy? He had changed, he was frowning at her...He was different, his eyes were a sickly gold. What...

What do you do when the world has ended? When the world has shattered, taking a great portion of your heart with it? Ahsoka Tano put everything into maintaining the important relationships that she had forged. What happened when you put too much into the wrong people?

She came to accept it over time. they had been decieved from the very start. The younglings that she had murdered that night had turned on her first, it was only fair for her to defend herself...Her Master was still the the embodiment of the ideal person, but he was no longer as kind or trustworthy...He remained strong, never showing the misery she felt in his heart. And though she knew he would never admit it, even outright lie about it, she knew he needed her now more than ever.

Broken vases could be repaired, buildings rebuilt...But could hearts be healed and new worlds be reborn? She thought so. After all he helped her take her first few steps into the true Light, helping her out of the darkness and deceit of the Jedi. So she knew she could remain by his side, ever ready to be whatever he required of her. What part of her that had revolved around the Jedi was now dead. She would never be the same; she was changed forever.

Ahsoka Tano, perhaps, was proof of Anakin Skywalker's greatest sin.

xxx

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